Christmas is Coming!

Every year I find myself inundated with catalogs wanting to sell me the cutesy, or not so cutesy, stuff they think that I need to buy for Christmas. Do I want any of these things? No. Even though I have not ordered anything, I still get the multitude of catalogs that are to me a waste of paper, postage, and printing costs. Here are some of the pickings that you might want to consider purchasing…according to the catalogs.

Top features this holiday season are from a number of catalogs. And the winners of this year’s what I don’t want and what I don’t want to give are:

**The sign with a little girl’s photo, black and white with a red rose, that reads “my face hurts, from pretending to like you.” Enough said. Price…$69 plus tax and shipping.

**Something I really need to have, or someone I know needs to have, according to the catalog, which will make me or them want to travel more are the $22 a pair luggage tags. Yes! They feature retro musings! One is: “We all have our baggage!” and the other reads, “I love not camping.” Oh, jumping jimminy! I want to travel around the world just to show off these luggage tags! Is this item related to the company that makes the restless leg syndrome drug that makes one want to gamble? How much will the travel cost for me to show off my $22 tags?

**For women only: Would you pay $23 for a case to carry tampons in? Well, that is what one catalog is charging for a tampon carrying case with a photo on it of a good looking guy on it that reads, “if there is a god, please let this guy be my ob/gyn.” This statement is how it appears on the tampon carrying case. Gee–I remember those days of carrying these puppies around, and I remember getting a plastic case in my 40 pack of tampons for free. Do I need this? No. Do I want to give this as a gift for Christmas? I don’t think so.

**The Christmas Pickle – Have you ever heard of that? This was a tradition in Germany where parents would hide a pickle in the Christmas tree. Well, someone is selling you the pickle. The cost? $9.00. Hmmm…how much does a jar of pickles cost? This does not include shipping, handling and tax. Add your sales tax and $5.99 for shipping.

**How about a sign that reads, “Well, today was a total waste of makeup!” I know that my girlfriends are just dying for me to give this sign to them that reminds them of all the Murphy’s Law days that they have had. Today I can buy this item for the low cost of $13 plus $6 in shipping. Note that this does not include sales tax and the cost of losing a good friend.

**What do you think when someone gives you bath soap or scented oils for the holidays? My thought: What? Do you think I need a bath or that I smell bad? Well, for a measly $28 you can give to someone a 3 bar pack of lavender soap that will soothe and soften the wrinkles of the skin. What?!? Don’t forget the sales tax, and the shipping charges of $7.99, unless you want to personalize the set for an additional $30.

**The Knife Handler. What is this, you ask? It is a figure of a person that holds your knives. Yes, it comes with a 15″ figure of a person and you can “stab” out your aggressions when replacing the knives in the body of the figure! Cindy – maybe another Dying for novel? This comes with a 8″ chef knife, 8″ bread knife, 8″ carver, 5″ utility knife and a 3 1/2″ paring knife. Yours for only $99 plus $14 in shipping and does not include attorney’s fees and court costs.

I simply must stop here, however, I do have the best of the lot to share. It is noted below. Nothing, and I mean nothing can be said after this one, so I close here with this parting item.

**Hand Sanitizer. Yes, and it is a very special one too and one that you definitely want to buy for someone you never intend on speaking to again. This bottle of 2 ounce hand sanitizer reads: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer.” The description: “Spread the love, not the germs.” This product can be yours for the low price of $8 plus shipping/handling and tax. Enough said!

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Rural Myths

One of the things I have noticed living in the Sierra Foothills is the prevalence of what is told to you as fact but turns out to be fiction. Below are some of the things we have heard here that includes the fiction and then I give you the facts.

What brought this about is my need to know, and if something does not sound right, I look it up and get the correct information.

** Star Thistle – This one is topping the list. When we moved here we were told by various people that Star Thistle is a recent addition of an invasive plant here to the State of CA. We were told that this plant was brought over from Asia. I found the facts about this plant, and when I mentioned this to a friend this last weekend I was told that the variety that is now here in the Sierra Foothills is from Russia. FACT: Star Thistle was introduced to the State of CA in the 1800’s. This fact was derived from John Muir Laws’ book entitled “The Laws Field Guide to the Sierra Nevada. The Russian Star Thistle, which I did look up is actually called Russian Knapweed and the color of the flower is purple, not the yellow flower that we have here in the Sierra Foothills.

** Politics within a small community vastly different from the CA Government, or the US Government. From direct experience, they are the same only on a smaller scale. I have discovered over my life of 50+ years that in order to be in politics you need to have the following: A huge ego; followers who enjoy the limelight of being in your glorious shadow who have given you money for flapping your lips; believing in what your lip flappers say as fact; and the ability to BS better than a used car salesman. We live in a small community that has a small homeowner’s association. The folks on our Board of Directors all possess these qualities with the exception of that they are personally not being given money. They just ask for it instead in the form of annual dues. Dues which they gladly accept or try to collect through collection tactics that are not fair and equitable to all of the owners.

** Winter is over when it snows on the Dogwoods. We have been told this by numerous residents up here where we live. This is based on an old Sierra Foothill Indian legend. OK? What I have discovered is that this legend is a legend told all over the country. Nothing is mentioned about what elevation one needs to be at, or is it a first snow, second snow, or many thereafter. So what is it? What happens here in the Sierra Foothills is not what happens in Appalachia on the east coast. And this statement about winter being over occurs on both sides of our country.

** Believe what I say because I have lived here longer than you! No matter where you live discovering the facts regarding your area should always be investigated rather than believing what you hear. We have heard rumors about people, places and things, only to discover that most are truly uninformed or that they are just spreading rumors with no basis in fact. They just pass on what they have been told as fact when indeed it turns out to be fiction.

** Rub lavender on your body to deter Mosquito’s. Well if you read my article on Mosquito’s you will find that this is rumor as well. Although what I was able to find is that lavender oil will help relieve itching, but for me that has not worked either.

** On a broader scale, there is the unemployment rate reported by the State and news agencies. They tell you what the latest claims are that have been filed, and the stock market goes crazy over this. What they do not tell you is the number of still unemployed. Why not? Out of sight, out of mind maybe?

** Again on a broader scale: There are many stories told through the US news agencies that if one looked at foreign news media, they would find that the story is not what we are being told in this country. Why not?

So, my words of wisdom to you: See it in writing from more than one source. If you cannot, then take it with a grain of salt! What have you heard in your neighborhood that you were able to de-bunk? Send me your comments…

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