Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

It is Monday again, and this is the day I devote to the other blog that I write, which is the Mondays Finish the Story flash fiction challenge. This challenge gives an opening line to a story that the writer must use and that they write a story that goes along with the photo. The word limit is 100-150 words, not including the opening line. Here is my contribution to this week’s challenge. The opening sentence is in bold and italicized letters.

© 2015, Barbara W. Beacham

© 2015, Barbara W. Beacham

“Hey boys, how ’bout y’all makin’ yer Ma some wind chimes?” This was how it all began for Jimmy Jack and Bobby Roy. They went to work on the wind chimes for ma and came up with the design of a wrench with cans of beans and beer for the chimes.

It went over so well with not only the family, but with friends and neighbors. Word got out and orders for wind chimes came rolling in. Next thing the boys knew they had a thriving business. They were having a hard time keeping up with the orders, and soon realized that they needed to hire help. And so the boys hired cousins and friends. They moved out of the barn and into a warehouse.

When Betty Sue created a website for them, sales went through the roof. Today the boys and ma live in the lap of luxury.

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Mondays Finish the Story

I hope that you enjoyed my bit of flash. If you would like to take part in this fun and unique flash fiction challenge, then just click HERE!

Thanks for dropping by and have a magnificent Monday! Be well… ^..^

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Every blogger out there is bombarded with Spam. Some person writes scripts for these folks and they comment on a photo that has nothing to do with their comment. So, let’s take a moment to laugh at how ridiculous these can be, shall we?

First will be the photo from the blog I wrote, then a random comment. I do have a disclaimer to this post, just in case someone might think that I am naming them or their content. It is this:

“This post is a work of FICTION. Names, characters and incidents are the product of this author’s imagination, or is used in a fictitious manner. Actual resemblances to actual persons or businesses living or dead, or actual events are purely coincidental.”

Now for the photos and the spammers comments.

Repel from here

Repel from here

The comment for the photo above: “The text in your article seem to be running off the screen in Opera.”

Wild Weekly Challenge #4 Award!

Wild Weekly Challenge #4 Award!

And the comment is: “proЬɑЬly it is tɦe very first toսcɦ սpon yoսr ѡeЬ site, inɑdvertently…” That makes sense doesn’t it?

Pre-cooked hot Italian sausage

Pre-cooked hot Italian sausage

And the comment is: “Ridiculous story there. What happened after?” What?

A developing strawberry

A developing strawberry

And the comment is: “They were on hand to see and support Barack and Hillary.” This one has me scratching my head. How about you?

I am green with envy!

I am green with envy!

The spammer says: “Life in the Foothills is the most effective.”  Most effective what?

What caught my eye

What caught my eye

Now, does this one make sense? “Your post shows other health benefits of viagra.”  Hmmm…maybe they need to take a class to learn about anatomy.

All I have to say to the spammers is this:  Really?  And, thanks for the laughs!

Enjoy your day, and thank you for stopping by.  Be well…   ^..^

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Today is devoted to the other blog that I write, which is the Mondays Finish the Story flash fiction challenge. This challenge gives an opening line to a story that the writer must use and that they write a story that goes along with the photo. The word limit is 100-150 words. Today, I went over the limit as my story just needed to. I think you will agree! Here is my contribution and the title is “Stuck in a Sub.” The opening sentence is in bold and italicized letters.

The Sub - Photo by BW Beacham

The Sub – Photo by BW Beacham

The crew of the Angel Flame received orders to head out. They made their way over to the pier to pick up passengers. Once there, they collected the tickets from the fifteen and helped them board the sub. With everyone in seats, crew-member Johnson closed the hatch.

He made his way into the sub and checked out the folks on board. There were 14 adults and one little boy. He explained to the group what to do in case of emergency, and then gave the signal. Captain Farthington turned the submarine towards the coral reef. The trip would be forty-five minutes long.

Johnson began describing the ocean life along the reef when all of a sudden there was a ripping sound followed by a noxious odor. A tiny voice said, “Scuse me.”

Over the next half hour, the people on board were turning green. After thirty “Scuse mes,” they were ready to get back to shore. The smell was so bad it could knock a dead man off a slab.

After the ride in the submarine, Jenny and Jeremy made their way to the Island Grill for a bite to eat. Walking in behind them was the family with the farting boy. Jenny said to the hostess, “Please seat them first.” When the hostess returned to take them to their table, Jenny said to her, “Can we please have a table as far away from them as possible?”

* * * * * * * * * *

Mondays Finish the Story

Thanks for dropping in today! If you would like to write for this challenge, then just click HERE!

Be well and have a magnificent Monday! ^..^

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Are you ready for a challenge? I wanted to announce a new blog site that I will be hosting.

It is called Mondays Finish the Story!

Mondays Finish the Story

For quite a while now I have been enjoying writing for two flash fiction challenges. One is Rochelle Wisoff-Fields blog, Friday Fictioneers, and the other is Alastair Forbes’ blog, Sunday Photo Fiction.

Mondays Finish the Story is a blog where a photo is provided with the opening line of a story that you get to finish! Not including the opening line, the challenge is for you to finish the story with 100-150 words!

I might have some kinks to work out, even so, I hope that you will join me and others in this new writing challenge!

Thank you in advance for helping me to make this site a success! Be well! ^..^

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Goats - Photo by Sandra Crook

Goats – Photo by Sandra Crook

The day did not go as she had planned. Not at all! Looking about her she reflected on how prophetic her daughter’s last statement to her was…

Mom: You should find out what kind of car he drives before you go out with him.

Daughter: What?

Mom: The car will indicate what kind of guy he is and if he has money!

Daughter: Wasn’t it you who said not to judge a book by its cover? I seem to recall hearing that over and over again.

Mom: This is different.

Daughter: Mom, you know you really are an old goat!
Thank you goes out to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers and to Sandra Crook for the lovely photo! I hope that you do not mind me changing the subject to goats as it fit the story that flew out of my fingers!

Thank you, dear readers, for stopping by today. I feel well enough to write today, but am very tired! You be well, and thanks again for dropping in!

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Just Horsing Around!

Here is a story of horsing around as told by my friends C & T. One is an Appaloosa and the other I am not sure. These two gave me great joy every time that I was around them. C captured my heart with his silly antics, which included periodic smiles and lots of nose nudges. T was very handsome and always thought that he deserved all the attention. Both were a unique pair and they insisted that I take these photos just so they could share their story. Without further ado: The Story of C & T.

Hey - what are you doing here?  Did you bring me any apples?

Hey – what are you doing here? Did you bring me any apples?

Let's have some fun!  How about we play follow the leader!  I'll lead and you follow!

Let’s have some fun! How about we play follow the leader! I’ll lead and you follow!

Catch me if you can!

Catch me if you can!

I'm having fun!  You?

I’m having fun! You?

Is she watching us?   She should be!  We are both so cute and adorable!

Is she watching us? She should be! We are both so cute and adorable!

Let's do a roll to get those itchy spots!   Oh, yea that is really good!

Let’s do a roll to get those itchy spots! Oh, yea that is really good!

Are you done?  I'm hungry!

Are you done? I’m hungry!

I'm good now.  Let's go get something to eat!

I’m good now. Let’s go get something to eat!

We get watermelon   Yipee!

We get watermelon Yipee!



If I give you the bedroom eyes will I get more?  Don't I look really handsome?

If I give you the bedroom eyes will I get more? Don’t I look really handsome?

He's had enough!  I get the rest!

He’s had enough! I get the rest!

Thank you!  Will you be coming back with any apples?

Thank you! Will you be coming back with any apples?

I hope that you enjoyed their simple story.

Thanks for stopping by and have a great Tuesday!

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I have a post that I want to do and have photos ready to go, but I am having a hard time coming up with a title…And it was in thinking about what to call that post that I felt inspired to spend some time on those rhetorical questions that I just love! I hope that these put a smile on your face!

** What do they call occasional furniture the rest of the time?

** Did you know that they deliver occasional furniture in semi-trucks?

** Why do they call that truck a semi?

** Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

** Why are there interstate highways on the Island of Hawaii?

** Can you imagine getting sick at the airport and having the terminal Dr. wait on you?

** Why do Dr.’s just practice medicine?

** Why is it that your nose runs and your feet smell?

** If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

** Why do banks have Braille at the drive up ATM’s?

** Why do they call it a pair of pants when you only get one?

** Why is the person who helps you invest your money called a broker?

** If a clergyman can get defrocked, then wouldn’t that mean that electricians can be delighted, dry cleaners depresssed and cowboys deranged?

** We can buy Preparation H, so what happened to A – G?

** Why do you need a driver’s license to buy alcohol, but you cannot drink and drive?

** Why is it that when you transport something by ship it is called cargo, and when you transport something by car it is called shipment?

** If the little black box is the only thing to survive a plane crash, why don’t they make the planes out of the same material?

** Those 24 hour stores? Why do they have locks on their doors?

Now go out and have a great Tuesday!

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This morning after hauling huge rocks to outline our driveway, which came out very nice by the way, my husband and I took a break and sat in our respective chairs on the front deck. We were having a discussion on the plants in the center island.

Now, I love plants and have learned a lot of the Latin names for them which is generally how I refer to them. Our neighbor Kathy was here earlier and I was rattling off the names which had both her and my husband both shaking their heads. Sorry Kathy, and you too my husband!

Needless to say, as we sat in our respective chairs enjoying some juice, we were talking about how good the center island in the driveway looks. I had just planted a couple of baby Dogwood trees given to us last year by Al Veerkamp who started the first nursery here in Placerville. So here is how the discussion went:

Me: I found a couple of baby Redbud trees in the garden by the pine at 2:00 and thought that I would plant them somewhere else in the island.

Husband: OK. That sounds good. Maybe between the oak and the Dogwoods you planted.

Me: Well, the Dogwoods are sitting at 10:30.

Husband: 10:30? There is no 10:30!

Me: Yes there is! It is between 10:00 and 11:00!

A serious discussion

Husband: No, you only use full hours, you do not add half hours. You say between 10 and 11.

Me: No because there is a 10:30 just as there is a 10:45!

Husband: No! Only the whole hour, not in increments!

Me: But the increments exist!

10:30, there is no 10:30!

Husband: Yeah, on the face of a clock! This was a designation used by pilots in WWII so that the crew knew who was talking about what someone was saying. They never mentioned 10:30!

Me: So what’s your point? The Dogwoods are sitting at 10:30!

Husband: (Don’t know why he was doing this but he was slapping his forehead!) Geez!

Me: Maybe we should just use a digital clock! 🙂

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Now my husband and I are sociable people, me more so than he, but we made some friends on our trip that we hope will be with us for a long time. They made our trip! We met every day with our coffee in the morning and with our cocktails in the evening which is when we recounted our day, B.S’d, told jokes, lied and shared other bits of our lives in the early evening hours!

Before we left from our vacation I was able to talk all but one, who shall remain nameless, Paul, into my taking photos of the group that we met…So this post, before I finish up my tripology, is devoted to those that we met and who made our trip!

Pat is the good morning diva!

Pat, the Good Morning diva!

Gregg and Ron, we met the second night that we were there. Gregg and I have a cooking connection! I think that I said something that surprised them both as Chuck, one of our other new bud’s, looked on!

Are you serious?

Then they realized that I was joking with them!

Thank God you were kidding!

Chuck is the resident artist. I loved it when he said to me after showing me a number of his artistic creations, “I love show and tell!”

Chuck, the resident artist

Bob was rather shy about having his photo taken, but he finally relented!

Chuck, what are you talking about now?

Good looking, don’t ya think?

My husband had to take a photo for me at my urging, and our new friends agreed to this photo!

The folks we met on our trip

And then, the fellow on the extreme left in this next photo, suggested that we take this shot. 🙂  Something to do with all the great butts we all have!

The fellow on the left insisted on a butt shot!

To all of you that we met at the Kona Reef, thank you all for making our trip so special, and for welcoming us into your lives! We will miss you and hope to come back and visit with you all!  To our new Hawaii friends, when you share this in the morning, please give hugs all the way around!  And my husband and I would like to thank you, Pat, Gregg, Ron, Chuck, Bob, and Paul for making us feel at home!

Next we finally get to Pololu Valley, then Hawi!  Stay tuned!

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If you are married, or not but living together, there are compromises that need to be made on both sides. I could talk about general cleaning, sex and money, but I would rather not. You have to work that part out for yourselves. But what I do want to talk about is what happens in the kitchen!

From the get go in our relationship, and we moved in together before we got married, I told my husband that there were rules to our kitchen, and if he was not on board with these rules, then I should plan on finding someone else and someplace else to live. We loved each other and I knew that we would be coming to some compromises here.

The first and foremost kitchen rule is this: If I cook, you clean. No arguing. This is the rule. I will not cook an entire meal, clean as I go, and have to clean afterwards. OK – so this had to be modified after the first dinner I cooked for us. I cooked and did not clean as I went. He griped. I helped clean that night and since then, I clean as I go. This has worked out well. And, this rule goes both ways: I cook, he cleans, and he cooks, I clean. And, we clean as we go, or as my friend Conor in Ireland says you CAYG! Thank you Conor!

Next, I work and my husband is retired. As I work, and he is now retired, I cook 4 nights a week, and he is relegated to three nights. How does this work? Planning! My husband cooks on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, which is why you rarely see food posts on those nights, and the rest of the time is mine. This takes some working out, depending on schedules, but for us this works really well. I finish my week, thanks to furlough Friday’s, on Thursday nights, and I start planning on Monday what I need for recipes I plan on cooking. BTW – before I started this blog, we did this then too.

Figure out the dinner menu. We both have busy days. Just like with Mom and Dad, at their house, whatever is put on the table for you for dinner, you eat. We both take into account what each of us likes and don’t like. He doesn’t serve me Lima beans and I don’t serve him brussel sprouts!

Margarine is not allowed in our house. Margarine is really bad for you, and butter is really good, as long as you do not over do it. If you want your recipes to taste really good, butter makes the dish. Margarine does not. There is too much water and oil in margarine. No compromise here: We both prefer butter to margarine.

Every now and then we do have frozen dinners. Not Banquet, nor Swanson’s. Sometimes you just do not feel like cooking, or putting a huge meal together. Whatever we choose, we make sure that the food is healthy.

No, and I mean absolutely NO, macaroni and cheese from a box. When I moved in with my husband, he had about a dozen boxes in the cupboard. Then I made him my macaroni and cheese. Since eating my macaroni and cheese that uses real cheese, he refuses to even look at a box of mac ‘n cheese. We donated the boxes to a food drive.

Everyone eats leftovers. No food goes to waste! Enough said.

Whatever you decide, whether living together or married, compromise is a big part of this life, and the kitchen is a good place to start!

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